That Time of the Month

Don't worry, this post isn't about blood or nasty girly things. I stumbled upon this online somewhere (don't remember, or else I would give proper and deserved credit!) and thought I should share it with everyone - guys and girls alike. I love this! Enjoy :)

Playing House

B and I don't live together. That would be waaaayy too much for both of us. But, we do spend a fair amount of time at each others' places. We cook for each other. I do his laundry and dishes sometimes (I do my laundry at his place because he has a washer/dryer...my apartment complex has 2 coin-op washers/dryers for 10 families to share). I do chores around his house and buy things for his kitchen. He does fix-it projects at my place. My TIVO is set to record some of his shows. I have a food/water dish for his dog in my kitchen. Basically, we're playing house.

Now, this version of "playing house" is a much more complex and serious version than the games we played with our childhood neighbors. There are emotions involved; we make decisions everyday that could affect the rest of our lives. Playing house as a 'grown-up' has much more serious consequences - both negative and positive. We enjoy spending time with each other, but we can also start to drive each other crazy. We get to see the best and worst of each other. And - I feel like my mom saying this - it's the first experimental step towards a life together.

Moving in with someone too early is one of those things that is horribly detrimental to a relationship. Chances are it would have ended sooner or later, but I've seen many couples move in too early and spend a majority of their relationship arguing and nit-picking rather than enjoying what the other has to offer. As anyone with a roommate knows, living with someone is the best and worst way to get to know someone. I've lived with my roommate for over 4 years, and we know more about each other than friends that we grew up with. My roomie knows me better (in both good and bad ways) than my best friend of 19 years. It's weird! Even the most blissful of couples can turn into enemies by making the move too soon.

Currently, I believe B and I are exactly where we need to be. We can see each other whenever we like, and if it becomes too much, we go to our separate spaces until we make plans to hang out again. We're comfortable and confident enough with each other to say, "You're making me f**king crazy. I'm going home to get away from you. I'll cook us dinner tomorrow. See you at 8, asshole!" It's not a fight, it's honesty - one of the most crucial components of a healthy relationship of any kind. We can tell each other when we're happy, sad, annoyed, worried, etc. There's no judgment. We're in a relationship to support each other, watch and help each other grow, and make our lives more full and meaningful by getting through this life as a team.

I told him last night he makes my life happier. He just smiled and hopped in the shower. This is just as satisfying of a response as him saying that I make his life happier, too. I've learned, by playing house, how to interpret his quirky remarks and actions. He doesn't say I love you, but he cooks for me and holds me close while I sleep. He doesn't ask me to move in, but I keep toiletries at his place and he asks me to share his bed with him. He doesn't say he wants me to bear his children, but he refers to me as (his dog) Miles' mom and himself dad, and trusts me to take care of his most valuable possession - another life. Our relationship/situation may be quite similar or drastically different from many couples; either way, we don't care. We're perfectly content with what we have and where we are at. For us, playing house without sharing house has brought us closer together. We have a healthy relationship and truly enjoy spending time together.

True, I miss the innocent days of 'playing house' in my backyard wearing mommy's apron carrying a doll around. However, growing up - despite the reality of responsibility - definitely has its privileges.

Barefoot and in the Kitchen

I love to cook. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I can make a decent meal. And by cooking I'm talking about actually preparing a home-cooked meal with a personal touch, not just following a recipe.



Coincidentally, my man loves to cook too. And he's not half bad either! He hates following recipes - he's very "stick it to the man" - and he loves experimenting with things. He doesn't have a passion for eating like I do, but he likes to prepare things and watch me eat. I love it!

So we've gotten into the habit lately of preparing meals for each other. It's one of the best ways to show someone how much you love them, honestly. It's a wonderful creative outlet, it's fun, and it feels great to do something for someone else! I love watching him take that first bite. Or sneak out into the kitchen to peek at my surprise dinner for him because it smells too damn good to stay away.

And when the meal is really, truly fabulous....you might even get an offer to do the dishes! I love doing dishes so I don't mind doing them when he cooks, and I usually wash them when I cook. But the point isn't the dishes. The point is, I made him so happy that he wants to do something nice for me. On top of a great meal, the returning of the fuzzy feeling tops off a great night. Plus, a late-night dessert (we're not talking about warm cookies or a scoop of ice cream) will usually follow! ;)

Cinderella, Cinderella

Today, it's time to clean up. My room is becoming a disaster, the carpet is collecting debris from outside, the oven has food stuck on it, and the porcelain in the bathroom no longer sparkles.

To most cleaning the house is a chore and a burden. Not that I'm much different than most, but for some reason, I really enjoy cleaning my house! The only exception to this is my room. I hate putting away clean laundry. It's one of those vicious circles: you take clothes out of your closet, you wear them, you toss them in your hamper, you wash them, you hang them back in your closet, just to take them right back off the hanger. It's annoying! Despite that one little chore, I do enjoy cleaning.

I especially love cleaning the kitchen. I'm not sure why, but doing the dishes and scrubbing the tile is relaxing to me. I'm like that stereotypical housewife who starts cleaning like a madwoman when I'm angry or upset. If my boyfriend says something to piss me off, I love him again after I clean the dishes and scrub the stove. If I had a bad day at school, I'll vacuum the carpet and feel refreshed. Somehow, cleaning a space of your house cleans the space in your mind as well.

Today I'm in a perfectly fine mood. I woke up feeling a little sick, but nothing disabling. Yes, the housework desperately needs to be done. But I don't mind doing it (except the clean clothes in the closet part). By the time I head to work tonight, I'll have accomplished quite a bit around the house. Not only will I have a tidy house, but a refreshed spirit as well.

My Men

I just realized this afternoon that in some of the post involving my boyfriend, I might have portrayed him in a negative light. Granted, I often write when I'm upset...that probably has something to do with it. Okay, it pretty much has everything to do with it.

My boyfriend is great. He's not perfect. But then again, who is? I'm far from it, I know that well. I get annoyed sometimes with him, sure. I'm also sure he gets annoyed with me sometimes. We're both pretty quirky people, but I think we have a pretty great relationship. We make each other happy.

I think one of the things that is difficult for me is that B often has a difficult time expressing himself. He's a great listener, but not a great talker. He doesn't like talking, what can I say?! (Actually, I say a lot in our relationship!) But all of the conversations we've had where I just feel that I'm hassling him have not been in vain.

Since he doesn't do much talking, he does a lot of listening and thinking. He may not catch every word I say, but he's starting to understand the reason I say the things I say. He used to just ignore the fact I was upset because he though I overreacted to everything. (Although I must say, in his defense, before I was regularly medicated, I often did overreact to things. I was over-emotional, but I couldn't help it, couldn't control it. As a sort of defense mechanism, I think B just ignored all of my emotions because they didn't seem like MY emotions...) However I was at his house yesterday and he said some things to make me somewhat upset, so I started to leave the room. The old B would have shook his head and let me walk out. Last night, he stopped me and asked what was wrong. He said I wasn't allowed to leave the room mad. Just him saying that took away any negative feelings I had. It was an amazing feeling; he just lit me up and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

Another thing B does is make me feel better by using Miles, his amazing dog that I'm obsessed with! This past week he's been doing the cutest thing ever (and if he reads this, he'll probably blush and do the cute embarrassed smile). He'll send me an email with a picture of the pup and pretend it's written from Miles, to me. It just makes me smile!!! I just want to rush over to his house and snuggle them all night!

That's another great thing about B. He's an awesome snuggler, and as a result of this, his dog is also the best snuggler in the world. If I'm having a bad day, just snuggling up with my man and our little man makes my troubles melt away. In general, falling asleep with them - bad mood or good - makes me feel so special and happy. I love it, and them. Mmmmmm.....

Can I Say "I LOVE YOU".....?

I was at B's house last night and decided to write a blog post. He asked what I was doing, so I told him. Now, he knows I just started blogging - in fact, he's the one that suggested I start. But I didn't expect him to read it. I mean, when I try to talk to him about these things, it seems like he doesn't want to know. But last night, he told me he's been reading my blog. For some reason, that really freaked me out....a lot.

Obviously, anyone can read my blog and I don't mind sharing things with strangers. And sometimes when I write a new post I'll email a text copy to B, but not the actual web address of the post. I was absolutely floored to learn he's read every post I've written, not just the few I've emailed to him personally. At first I didn't even believe him - I thought he was joking (he does that a lot)! But he insisted he reads it. After seeing my admittedly strange reaction to this news, he said he would stop reading if it really bothered me.

It's not the fact that it bothers me that he's reading, it's the fact that I had no idea he was.

I'll confess, sometimes I write things that I would normally say to B - or if I did say it, I wouldn't present it to him the same way I do on my blog. I think the thing that struck me the most, though, was that he's never said anything. He's never mentioned that he reads my blog. He's never brought up any of the topics I talk about in my blog. Maybe it's just me, but that just seems.....not right. I got incredibly nervous last night because I've talked about the apparently taboo topic of saying those three little words, which he's never said to me. I wanted to bring up the fact that he's read this and never mentioned it, but I didn't.

Now I'm awkward about writing blogs in case I say something stupid that he will read, stew about for a while, then never talk to me about. I also feel that I can never bring up the topic of love ever again, because, although we've never actually talked about it, he already knows what I have to say.

I'm not going to stop writing, and I'm not going to tell him to stop reading. It's easy to know what I'm not going to do in this situation....I'm just confused about what I am going to do...

So Much To Do, So Little Time

Yesterday I was procrastinating studying for my final, so I decided to compile all my random little tasks (many of which are on sticky notes lying around the house, my purse, my backpack, the pockets of my work jacket, etc.) into an actual TO-DO LIST. What a concept, I know. Some of these are small little things that I just want to get done and don't take too much time, like painting my toenails :) Other things will take more time and energy, naturally. I generally try to have a list for the month or so, but this is not always possible. I don't sweat it though, I just get as much done as I can and try to prioritize. This, by the way, is much easier said than done (as all you procrastinators out there are well aware of). So, just to keep myself on track, I'm posting my list on my blog!

To-Do in September:

• clean out and wash car - check! Did that last week :)
  
• mail photos to B's mother - she requested a few photos of us to frame at their home...yay!
  
• mail DVDs to my parents
• put away clean laundry - I hate doing this. Honestly, this is the worst part of the entire laundry process.
  
• clean bathroom - and I mean scrub that baby down!
• purge (and organize) closet - I try to do this about once a month. By this, I don't mean getting rid of everything in my entire closet; I just fill up a medium sized grocery or trash bag with all the clothes I don't wear often enough and give them away! It makes me feel good that people who need clothes can actually have access to them, and I make room in my closet for the stuff I actually love and wear! Plus, it leaves me room to buy a new article of clothing :) General rule of thumb: for every bag you get rid of (5-10 items, say), don't buy more than one new thing to replace it. *one new thing = ONE article of clothing, one or two small accessories, etc. NOT an entire outfit!!!
• steam living room and bedroom carpet - my mom has a carpet steam cleaner that she has graciously let me borrow and I think I'm addicted! It's kinda fun and very relaxing to do, plus the results are phenomenal and make you feel great!
• clean laptop - I have a white MacBook that is a little over 3 years old and I've only truly cleaned it once. I clean the screen all the time, but the keyboard is starting to drive me crazy because the oils from my skin are beginning to stain the keys.
• get a new bike - my bike was stolen a while back and I've been borrowing B's to use for school (by the way, pretty much everyone in Santa Barbara bikes in one way or another, and everyone at UCSB rides bikes to campus because most students live less than a mile from campus and there are bike paths everywhere. Biking is a way of life here). I've decided that I need to get a replacement bike because he wants full use of his back (oops!) and I want to drive less and bike more when I am only traveling short distances.
• Sephora.com - I use Clinique facial care products and purchase it form Sephora rather than somewhere else. There is a Sephora store in Santa Barbara, but I prefer to order online for a few reasons: (1) it's easy! I'm not being lazy, I swear...I just really like online shopping; (2) I get cash back on my debit card if I order on Sephora.com; (3) I still get my beauty points whether I order online or purchase in-store. These points are redeemable for free Sephora stuff, btw; (4) for every online order, you get to choose three free samples! That's right ladies, free designer samples. Three of them. And you get to pick them out! As a working girl and a student with no money, this is a great way to get little things you need/want (like moisturizers and perfumes) with little or no cost to you!!!
• hit the gym! - I work at a private health club, and I enjoy the atmosphere there. One of the perks of being an employee here is that we receive a complimentary all-access gym membership. I definitely do not take advantage of this as much as I would like to. I intend to change that.
• read a book - for the past four years I've been so busy with school and/or work that I rarely have time to relax and read a book for leisure. I enjoy reading, and didn't mind doing the assigned reading for my English and Literature classes, but this took away from my personal book time. I miss my personal book time.
  

Thoughts for Today

A Trip Down Memory Lane

image source

So I didn't get anything posted this weekend...oops! I did, however, get to spend some quality time with my parents and my man! The reason I was home this weekend is because of my best friend's wedding reception. Once again, I didn't get much of a chance to actually visit with her. Or anyone else, for that matter.

I don't get to see my parents too often, so it was really nice to hang out and catch up with them all weekend. We had dinners together, went bowling, cleaned out the garage...wait, was that on my fun list??

I did have a lot of fun catching up with my family, and they had fun getting to know B and Miles a little better. While I was there, they made me go through all my boxes in the garage. (When I moved to Santa Barbara it was pretty last minute, so I didn't get a chance to properly go through my bedroom to get rid of crap I didn't want or need. So they boxed everything up and put it in the garage so they could turn my bedroom into an office.) This was, of course, a daunting task. One that my parents have been begging me to come home and tackle for quite some time now. My mom, being the wonderful and loving woman that she is, kept me company in that hot dusty garage-turned-storage-unit.

I already knew I was going to get rid of most of the stuff out there. I knew that a couple boxes had some keepsake items, and those I kept. (My parents are letting me keep a few boxes in the garage. A girl can't throw away everything she's accumulated in the first eighteen years of her life!!) I got rid of all my old clothes, shoes, etc. Junk I've learned that I don't need.

That's one great thing about getting older: you really do get wiser. College degree or not, life teaches you invaluable lessons that an expensive university education cannot.

Believe it or not, I actually had fun going through those old dusty boxes. All the photographs I've accumulated over the years that tell the story of my life were piled into a couple tattered cardboard boxes. There were pictures from my childhood in that garage that I hadn't seen in years! I kept running inside to show my brother hilarious pictures of us and our childhood friends - many of whom we are still good friends with. It was quite cathartic to see their faces again and briefly relive all those precious moments we shared in our innocence. I could go on and on for hours about those golden days, and maybe in some blog I will, but I found some other treasures in those boxes as well.

I found a shoebox full of old notes - notes from my middle school friends, love letters from boys I used to know...aah, the memories came flooding back. My girlfriends and I had nicknames for each other (I assume this was to protect our true identities in case our juicy notes fell into the wrong hands), and in some cases I could not identify the author of said notes. Many of these girls I am still friends with; many, I am not.
I found notes from old boyfriends (or boys who desperately wanted to be my boyfriend). Some of them were expressing their love for me. Some were apologies for hurting me. I even found a poem that one guy wrote to me - it wasn't of high literary quality, but it was original and expressive - that prompted us to start dating. I found one from a guy friend with a complicated history. We're still friends today and we do keep in touch (unlike most of my actual ex-boyfriends), but this note really pulled on some heartstrings for numerous reasons I won't reveal.

Point being, boxes of memories - good, bad, funny, you name it - were piled in my parents' garage. I dreaded opening them, but now I am so glad I did. It was cleansing and refreshing and fun and it truly surfaced some emotions I haven't felt in a while. I've said it once, and I'll say it as long as I live: emotions are good for you! (Although like most things, IN MODERATION!)

Feel things!
Live!
Love!
Learn!

And keep a smile on your face while you do it :)

Heading Home for the Weekend

Tomorrow morning B and I (and Miles!) are hitting the road and driving to my parents' house. They live about 3 hours south of Santa Barbara, but we have to drive through Los Angeles to get there. Translation: Add an hour to ETA. There is always traffic in LA. I love driving, and I love visiting my friends and family, but if there's one thing I rarely have the patience for it's sitting in traffic. I'm so glad B and the pup will be in the car to keep me company!!

The reason I'm heading out towards the desert in the middle of a heat wave on labor day weekend is the same reason I flew out to Idaho (which to me, is the middle of nowhere) one month ago. My best friend's wedding. We grew up together and she spent most of her life at home. But since she now lives in Idaho, most of our friends were not able to attend the wedding or give their gifts. So this weekend, her mother is throwing a reception for the newlyweds so that the majority of people she knows and loves can attend.

Since she has been my best friend since age 3, I am obliged (in a good way - I want to) go. The wedding was fun, but I want to celebrate her big day with all of her family and friends. And my man! So, if I don't get any posts in this weekend - although I fully intend to - it's her fault! Just kidding, it's my mom's fault :)

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend as summer draws to a close. Much love!

Hug It Out

I had a 10-12 page botanical research paper that was due this morning in class. It was, to say the least, intense. After a full school day yesterday (10am-9pm, with two breaks), I went to B's house to eat dinner and finish my paper. I walked in the door and he started talking to me about his day and other things that were going on (yes, again, writing about bf problems on the blog somehow solves them in real life...), and when he turned away to start making dinner I started crying and hoped he wouldn't notice. He did, of course, and immediately started being hilarious to try to cheer me up. The tears stopped, and dinner made me feel a little better. However, I was still super stressed about my paper (which was actually 15 pages long because I'm an over-achiever -- thanks mom and dad!), and other school things on my agenda.

I sat at his desk working on my paper, and he laid in bed watching TV. By this point, it was around midnight, and when he would see me stressing out, he would just do something to make me laugh. It was really nice to have a good laugh together. It's amazing how much stress it releases!

There were also a few times between the hours of midnight and 1 where I just looked at him and he would give me the puppy-dog eyes. It's funny, because when the kids I babysit for give me the puppy-dog eyes I rarely give in. But when B does it, I rarely say no. Anyways, he would give me the eyes and say, "Come snuggle with me for a minute, take a break, relax." So I would have to do it. Then he would give me the biggest hugs ever and squeeze some of my stress away. And then say, "Okay, now just go to bed! :)" I would just smile, give him another big squeeze, and get back to my paper.

Obviously, I eventually made it to bed. I hardly slept because I was extremely anxious about my paper, but laying next to him (and the dog!) made me feel so much better. If laughter is the best medicine, then hugs are what you wash it down with. B's hugs saved me from a nervous breakdown last night. And pretty much any other time I'm on the brink. It's amazing what the smallest amount of physical contact from someone you love can do!

So next time you're feeling down, or on the brink of a breakdown, steal a huge hug from someone you care about. It might not fix everything, but it sure is a comfy band-aid!!!