Happy Days

It's been a pretty great week for me. I received a test back in my anatomy class and I have an A, which relieved a lot of stress for me. My boyfriend and I have been getting along wonderfully, and I love him more and more every day.

We had an excellent chat the other night...we talked about things we want in our lives, the future...grown-up things. And, B didn't put up a fight at all! It's a great feeling to get to know someone you care about even deeper than before. I feel that even our short little talk brought us much closer together. This morning, B and I took Miles on a bike ride to Starbucks and just sat outside and enjoyed the weather, and each other. We've figured out when we've had enough of each other and go our separate ways before we annoy the hell out of each other. We can be gross and weird around each other, we know how to make each other laugh and smile, we help each other fall asleep at night. We are at a place right now where we are perfectly content and happy.

Playing House

B and I don't live together. That would be waaaayy too much for both of us. But, we do spend a fair amount of time at each others' places. We cook for each other. I do his laundry and dishes sometimes (I do my laundry at his place because he has a washer/dryer...my apartment complex has 2 coin-op washers/dryers for 10 families to share). I do chores around his house and buy things for his kitchen. He does fix-it projects at my place. My TIVO is set to record some of his shows. I have a food/water dish for his dog in my kitchen. Basically, we're playing house.

Now, this version of "playing house" is a much more complex and serious version than the games we played with our childhood neighbors. There are emotions involved; we make decisions everyday that could affect the rest of our lives. Playing house as a 'grown-up' has much more serious consequences - both negative and positive. We enjoy spending time with each other, but we can also start to drive each other crazy. We get to see the best and worst of each other. And - I feel like my mom saying this - it's the first experimental step towards a life together.

Moving in with someone too early is one of those things that is horribly detrimental to a relationship. Chances are it would have ended sooner or later, but I've seen many couples move in too early and spend a majority of their relationship arguing and nit-picking rather than enjoying what the other has to offer. As anyone with a roommate knows, living with someone is the best and worst way to get to know someone. I've lived with my roommate for over 4 years, and we know more about each other than friends that we grew up with. My roomie knows me better (in both good and bad ways) than my best friend of 19 years. It's weird! Even the most blissful of couples can turn into enemies by making the move too soon.

Currently, I believe B and I are exactly where we need to be. We can see each other whenever we like, and if it becomes too much, we go to our separate spaces until we make plans to hang out again. We're comfortable and confident enough with each other to say, "You're making me f**king crazy. I'm going home to get away from you. I'll cook us dinner tomorrow. See you at 8, asshole!" It's not a fight, it's honesty - one of the most crucial components of a healthy relationship of any kind. We can tell each other when we're happy, sad, annoyed, worried, etc. There's no judgment. We're in a relationship to support each other, watch and help each other grow, and make our lives more full and meaningful by getting through this life as a team.

I told him last night he makes my life happier. He just smiled and hopped in the shower. This is just as satisfying of a response as him saying that I make his life happier, too. I've learned, by playing house, how to interpret his quirky remarks and actions. He doesn't say I love you, but he cooks for me and holds me close while I sleep. He doesn't ask me to move in, but I keep toiletries at his place and he asks me to share his bed with him. He doesn't say he wants me to bear his children, but he refers to me as (his dog) Miles' mom and himself dad, and trusts me to take care of his most valuable possession - another life. Our relationship/situation may be quite similar or drastically different from many couples; either way, we don't care. We're perfectly content with what we have and where we are at. For us, playing house without sharing house has brought us closer together. We have a healthy relationship and truly enjoy spending time together.

True, I miss the innocent days of 'playing house' in my backyard wearing mommy's apron carrying a doll around. However, growing up - despite the reality of responsibility - definitely has its privileges.

My Men

I just realized this afternoon that in some of the post involving my boyfriend, I might have portrayed him in a negative light. Granted, I often write when I'm upset...that probably has something to do with it. Okay, it pretty much has everything to do with it.

My boyfriend is great. He's not perfect. But then again, who is? I'm far from it, I know that well. I get annoyed sometimes with him, sure. I'm also sure he gets annoyed with me sometimes. We're both pretty quirky people, but I think we have a pretty great relationship. We make each other happy.

I think one of the things that is difficult for me is that B often has a difficult time expressing himself. He's a great listener, but not a great talker. He doesn't like talking, what can I say?! (Actually, I say a lot in our relationship!) But all of the conversations we've had where I just feel that I'm hassling him have not been in vain.

Since he doesn't do much talking, he does a lot of listening and thinking. He may not catch every word I say, but he's starting to understand the reason I say the things I say. He used to just ignore the fact I was upset because he though I overreacted to everything. (Although I must say, in his defense, before I was regularly medicated, I often did overreact to things. I was over-emotional, but I couldn't help it, couldn't control it. As a sort of defense mechanism, I think B just ignored all of my emotions because they didn't seem like MY emotions...) However I was at his house yesterday and he said some things to make me somewhat upset, so I started to leave the room. The old B would have shook his head and let me walk out. Last night, he stopped me and asked what was wrong. He said I wasn't allowed to leave the room mad. Just him saying that took away any negative feelings I had. It was an amazing feeling; he just lit me up and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

Another thing B does is make me feel better by using Miles, his amazing dog that I'm obsessed with! This past week he's been doing the cutest thing ever (and if he reads this, he'll probably blush and do the cute embarrassed smile). He'll send me an email with a picture of the pup and pretend it's written from Miles, to me. It just makes me smile!!! I just want to rush over to his house and snuggle them all night!

That's another great thing about B. He's an awesome snuggler, and as a result of this, his dog is also the best snuggler in the world. If I'm having a bad day, just snuggling up with my man and our little man makes my troubles melt away. In general, falling asleep with them - bad mood or good - makes me feel so special and happy. I love it, and them. Mmmmmm.....

Long Distance

Physical/spatial distance, I have learned, is much much different than emotional distance. I have been in two different long-distance relationships in the past 5 years and have discovered that being near each other doesn't always make you closer to someone. My roommate is currently in a long-distance relationship that is extremely healthy, and both her and the bf are extremely happy. On the other hand, B and I live one city away from each other (~13 miles or so), and the dynamics of our relationship are so different from my roomie and her bf.

My first LD relationship was with my high school bf. We had been together for almost a year and a half when I moved away from home to go to college in Santa Barbara. We tried to make it work for a few months, but as time progressed, our lives took different paths. He was three years older than me and not making much of his life. That is one thing I can not stand for. His job was a joke and he was taking one or two bull shit classes at our local community college and living with his parents (and two older sisters who were equally useless). I, however, was extremely busy with my first year of college: searching for a job and eventually finding one, making new friends, adjusting to my new course load and study habits, etc. We tried to talk on the phone every night but I got pretty busy studying and attempting to have a social life. Eventually, I ran out of time and energy for our relationship and had to end it. I knew I didn't need it, and we weren't on the same page. Done.

My next LD relationship began as a LD relationship. Shortly after my breakup with LD#1, my grandmother took our family to Hawaii for Christmas. Long story short, I met a guy there. He lived in Canada and had an awesome family (our families hit it off on the beach day 1 of the vaca; we were the last two of the group to meet). We exchanged emails and kept in touch, swapped pictures, etc. Eventually we started talking on the phone. After 4 months of getting to know each other pretty well over the phone, he flew down to visit me. We became a couple. We talked on the phone every night, even though we had very different schedules. We found a way. We also found a way to visit each other whenever we could. We took turns flying back and forth to visit each other every 6-8 weeks or so. Eventually, he moved down to Santa Barbara to go to school and try out a new city. It was great to finally be together! However, we eventually started getting on each others' nerves (we did NOT live together, btw) and didn't have the same goals. I am extremely focused and self-motivated and I love school. He was the opposite. And, he didn't have a job. Eventually, we broke up. We both knew it was coming for about a month or so beforehand, but neither one of us wanted to say it. I finally did, and it was hard, but we are okay now and there are no hard feelings. It was a healthy and mature breakup. We have both moved on.

Now, my roomie (SC) is in a relationship with a guy from home (she's from San Francisco but lives in Santa Barbara currently) whom she dated for a summer three years ago. They began corresponding through email in February of this year, he came to visit one weekend in March, and then they got together. He comes to SB very often to visit, and she goes home whenever she can. The longest they have gone without seeing each other is 2 weeks. They text each other all day, are always on the phone, and write posts to each other on facebook. Basically, they're obsessed with each other.

My boyfriend,who lives in the neighboring city, hates talking on the phone. He has an iPhone, but only uses it for all the apps. He rarely has conversations that last longer than 3 minutes, and isn't very good at responding to texts. He goes on facebook every day, but only plays games and occasionally writes on peoples' walls. Never mine, though. It's nearly impossible to get him excited about things or have a conversation about anything semi-serious. SC is jealous because B and I potentially get to see each other every day, if we so choose. However, I am jealous because her bf actually talks to her, and likes it! And, she doesn't have to force him! Also, (although I would never make a big deal about this to B for fear of his reaction) SC's boyfriend loves her; he says it to her, and he says it to everyone he can. He is so happy to be in a relationship with her that he wants the whole world to know. Of this fact, I am envious.

Yes, B and I could spend every moment of every day together if we wanted to - I know SC and her boy would if they could. But that does not make up for the fact that we don't have the same kind of communication. I'm not asking that he talks to me every second we're together, or call me every three hours to keep me informed of everything that he does during the day. But he won't talk to me about anything. I take that back - sometimes, if I interrogate him, he'll talk to me about what's going on with him. But it's like pulling teeth. It's frustrating for him that I want him to talk to me more, to open up and let me in; but its equally frustrating for me that he won't talk, and shows no desire to.

Lately I've just been feeling defeated and complacent. If he doesn't want to talk, fine. I'm over it. But I'm not...I still need and want him to open up to me. I only bring it up to him every once in a while now, but I can't help feeling its all in vain. I think I'm almost out of options, but I'm not quite ready to give up. *sigh* I wish he showed the same enthusiasm towards me as Miles (his amazing dog) does!!

Also, for those of you who may be in long-distance relationships, don't give up! Although this post may have seemed somewhat pessimistic, I truly believe that LD's can be quite successful. I caution you to not turn a blind eye to things that may be happening while you're not around; however, it is also foolish and detrimental to start assuming or imagining things that aren't really happening. To everyone in a relationship of any kind, I wish you all luck and love!

Happy Things

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Yesterday I was reading a post on Oh, Mishka entitled Cheer Up. She had been in a funk and asked her reader what kind of things cheered them up. I replied and it sparked my idea for this post!

Things that cheer me up when I'm down:

A GOOD CRY When you're feeling sad, don't be afraid to let it out!! Hiding your feelings is one of the worst things you can do to yourself (emotionally). Crying is a natural response to hurt and sadness; it is supposed to be cathartic...so just let it happen.

SNUGGLING Whether it's with my boyfriend, the pups, or the 8,000 pillows on my bed, cuddling up and just relaxing helps to soothe the nerves. Don't talk, don't stress...just be.

SHOPPING As every woman knows, shopping is like grandma's chicken soup: a cure-all. Being out and about takes your mind off your worries, and doing something fun for yourself (and by yourself) can also be cathartic. When I'm doing my "shopping therapy," I usually just try a bunch of things on, carry them around the store for a while, then put everything back on the racks and go home. Or I'll but some things, take them home and leave them in the bag for a day or two, then go return them! Just the act of shopping is therapeutic for me, not the actual possession of new goodies.

YOGA I am a firm believer in the healing powers of habitual yoga practice and I truly enjoy doing it. Besides the physical exercise and accompanying release of endorphins, yoga also exercises the mind. It heals the mind and body simultaneously, and lets you really escape to your innermost self. A yoga class is an excellent place for making self-realizations, or just clearing your mind of all the crap that is going on around you.

MILES My boyfriend's dog Miles is my baby. He loves me, and I love him. Just looking into this dog's eyes can make me feel better, and he is very loyal and receptive of me. He knows when I'm sad and licks me until I give into him. He'll then either cuddle up with me, or force me to play with him. Whatever the activity, I swear that dog has incredible healing powers that a human can not offer.

FOOD As you'll probably soon learn about me, I love to eat! I love to go out to different restaurants, try new foods/drinks, and just snack in general. It's a very satisfying feeling. If you're feeling down, try treating yourself to your favorite meal or chocolate-covered snack!

A GOOD BOOK I have to read a lot of textbooks and scientific research papers for school, so it's not very often that I get to choose a book on my own and read it for leisure. When I'm in a funky mood, I'll set my academic obligations aside (you can't study effectively anyways if your mind is clouded with other troubles) and read a book of my choosing. I love classic literature, but my "reading therapy" usually consists of some kind of "girly" book. Some personal favorites include Eat, Pray, Love (which any woman should read, and probably reread), and books by Candace Bushnell (inspiration for Sex and the City).

DRIVING I find driving very therapeutic. It's a completely different experience when you're not driving to anywhere in particular. Sometimes I just drive around and explore different areas of the city, or I'll pick a destination (like a coffee shop, or even a gas station) and take the long way.

MUSIC Even for those who aren't avid or obsessional music lovers, listening to your favorite songs will cheer you up...or at least take your mind to another place for a little bit. Again, catharsis can be easily initiated by the right combination of sounds and lyrics. I often make a playlist on my computer just for that occasion, depending on what kind of mood I'm in.

A NAP Being upset often makes you tired, so a nap will physically be good for you. Some sleep will also help to clear your mind and make those problems seem at least a little smaller. Naps can be very refreshing (if you actually sleep) and will give you the energy and clarity of mind to tackle those emotional demons.

HAIR-DOS When I'm alone, I like to experiment with different hair styles. Many girls do this with makeup, which is also fun. But I already have a knack for doing makeup, so I focus my negative energies on my unruly hair. It not only gives your mind something else to do, but you might also stumble upon some new look that really works for you!

BEING ALONE When I'm in a funk because of personal issues (especially my depression, or perhaps certain issues with my boyfriend), I prefer to be alone. Many of the previous items on this list are activities that I do alone, and can only be done alone. I don't want to project the gray cloud over my head onto other people, so I just tuck myself away somewhere soothing until I can be around humanity again.

NOT BEING ALONE Sometimes there are those issues in your life that will only go away if you're distracted by another person. In some depressions, being alone is not a good thing. When I'm in these type of moods, I make my situation worse by stewing over things in my head. This often leads to the manifestation of more problems, many of which are completely fabricated in my emotionally clouded head. Going out with the girls for a night on the town, or going to a movie with the man are good distractions from the dangerous workings of your own mind.

These are just a few of the things that cheer me up in general. Of course, there are always situations in which these may not work, or another uplifting opportunity arises. You just have to see what works for you. Check out the comments on the blog I mentioned earlier for more suggestions. Also, I would love your comments about what brings you out of a funk!!

Have a beautiful day everyone! Keep your head up and a smile in your heart (and hopefully on your face)!

5 Things I Love About My Boyfriend

There are plenty of things that I enjoy about my honey, but today, these are my top five:

His eyes. His big, beautiful, blue eyes are so easy to get lost in. He has long eyelashes (which he hates) that bring out his eyes and make me stare into them all the time. Probably my favorite physical feature about him :)

He doesn't know how to flirt. I find this absolutely adorable about him. I don't think it's weird that a 27-year old man still doesn't quite know how to talk to girls. It's adorable, and I never have to worry about him trying to pick up another woman!

He's extremely intelligent. He's the "sexy nerd" type. He's a chemist and often analyzes everything in a very scientific way. And of course there's other nerdy boy things (besides chemicals) that he likes. But he also makes it sexy rather than dorky. He seems to know everything about everything, and if he doesn't, he'll just look up the answer on his iPhone!

He makes me giggle. A lot of people and things can make me laugh, but there's only certain things that bring out my giggle. My boyfriend is one of them. He loves listening to and making fun of my giggle, which makes me giggle even more. I can't put my finger on what brings out the giggles, but he just has that special something.

His dog. I love his dog because he's the best dog on the planet (in our opinion)! But my boyfriend's dog says a lot about him. He trained Miles (the dog), so pretty much everything Miles knows he learned from his daddy! Miles is such a loving, playful, and most importantly loyal dog. These traits - I insist - are a reflection of my man.