Shits and Giggles with the Roomie

This picture always makes me laugh. I sent it to my roommate and she cracked up too. This is the kind of humor we have.

We've both been extremely busy the past few weeks and haven't had much time to hang out lately. We make a last-minute trip to Costco before work the other day and it was the most fun we've had together in a long time. We laughed the entire time. At one point we couldn't even walk through the store because we were laughing so hard. We stopped laughing long enough to look up and see a huge box of Cheez-its open and started laughing hysterically again. People thought we were high as kites, and we thought that was hilarious.

I miss hanging out with her!

We've had a lot of good times together. We used to own this town on the weekends. I'm attempting to make a comeback this weekend.

I love my roomie; she's one of my best friends in the whole wide world!!! I just wanted to give her a shout out as the weekend ends (Tuesday is the beginning of our week).


Live. Laugh. Love.

Upside Down

I feel like my life is upside-down right now. I have a lot of good things in my life, and I can see that. But I'm not where I want to be, and I feel like I will never get there. B and my family are encouraging, but to me it's not realistic; it's not what I want.

I feel that it is impossible to find a job that I want. And I'm not even being all that picky. At first I was only searching for jobs in the specific field that I was interested in. Now I'm not only searching for a job in any sort of medical field, but any job at all. There are hardly any seasonal jobs at the mall, let alone a job I want and that will help advance my career. Getting a job even after you have a college degree is much, much harder than they say.

To put the cherry on the sad little cake, I basically have no friends. I have my roommate, who is like my wife: we live together, cook and clean together, pay the bills together, and have things that we do at home together (mostly our dinner dates and TIVO watching rituals), but I feel she gets bored of me easily because we live together. She invites me to things less and less; when our mutual friends ask why I haven't been around I don't know what to say. I would love to hang out with them more, but I didn't get an invite. People assume she will invite me because we live together and are good friends, but this isn't always the case. I don't want to ask her to invite me out more, because then I sound like a crazy person. Then again, I don't want to tell her that I don't have friends anymore and I really need these social interactions that aren't at work. I have fellow employees, but aren't really close to any of them because only one of us is working at a time. My roommate works with all girls so she has quite a few work friends and girlfriends. I, on the other hand, have mostly male friends (which I don't mind, but they aren't quite the same as having close girlfriends), and don't get many chances to hang out with my co-workers. Many of my friends here in Santa Barbara have graduated and moved on, so I have very few remaining. My roommate still has over a year 'til graduation, so hasn't faced this problem yet, and I feel like she doesn't understand.

I also have B and I am grateful for that, but he also does not sympathize with my problem. Most of his close friends are in another state, but this doesn't bother him too much, as he is not a very social person to begin with. He would rather be alone than not, so he doesn't see it as a negative situation that I don't have many friends. I still have my friends from home, but they aren't here with me and we don't keep in contact as much as any of us would like. For me, this really is a tough situation.

I've been struggling again lately with depression and anxiety, and not having people to talk to is making the issues worse. As much as I try to be happy with all that I have been blessed with, I still feel like I am being tripped in the middle of a busy sidewalk while it is pouring rain. Everyone can see that I am struggling and in dyer need of help, yet no one is willing to help. I'm stuck in this mucky public puddle and desperately need someone to pull me out.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

image source

So I didn't get anything posted this weekend...oops! I did, however, get to spend some quality time with my parents and my man! The reason I was home this weekend is because of my best friend's wedding reception. Once again, I didn't get much of a chance to actually visit with her. Or anyone else, for that matter.

I don't get to see my parents too often, so it was really nice to hang out and catch up with them all weekend. We had dinners together, went bowling, cleaned out the garage...wait, was that on my fun list??

I did have a lot of fun catching up with my family, and they had fun getting to know B and Miles a little better. While I was there, they made me go through all my boxes in the garage. (When I moved to Santa Barbara it was pretty last minute, so I didn't get a chance to properly go through my bedroom to get rid of crap I didn't want or need. So they boxed everything up and put it in the garage so they could turn my bedroom into an office.) This was, of course, a daunting task. One that my parents have been begging me to come home and tackle for quite some time now. My mom, being the wonderful and loving woman that she is, kept me company in that hot dusty garage-turned-storage-unit.

I already knew I was going to get rid of most of the stuff out there. I knew that a couple boxes had some keepsake items, and those I kept. (My parents are letting me keep a few boxes in the garage. A girl can't throw away everything she's accumulated in the first eighteen years of her life!!) I got rid of all my old clothes, shoes, etc. Junk I've learned that I don't need.

That's one great thing about getting older: you really do get wiser. College degree or not, life teaches you invaluable lessons that an expensive university education cannot.

Believe it or not, I actually had fun going through those old dusty boxes. All the photographs I've accumulated over the years that tell the story of my life were piled into a couple tattered cardboard boxes. There were pictures from my childhood in that garage that I hadn't seen in years! I kept running inside to show my brother hilarious pictures of us and our childhood friends - many of whom we are still good friends with. It was quite cathartic to see their faces again and briefly relive all those precious moments we shared in our innocence. I could go on and on for hours about those golden days, and maybe in some blog I will, but I found some other treasures in those boxes as well.

I found a shoebox full of old notes - notes from my middle school friends, love letters from boys I used to know...aah, the memories came flooding back. My girlfriends and I had nicknames for each other (I assume this was to protect our true identities in case our juicy notes fell into the wrong hands), and in some cases I could not identify the author of said notes. Many of these girls I am still friends with; many, I am not.
I found notes from old boyfriends (or boys who desperately wanted to be my boyfriend). Some of them were expressing their love for me. Some were apologies for hurting me. I even found a poem that one guy wrote to me - it wasn't of high literary quality, but it was original and expressive - that prompted us to start dating. I found one from a guy friend with a complicated history. We're still friends today and we do keep in touch (unlike most of my actual ex-boyfriends), but this note really pulled on some heartstrings for numerous reasons I won't reveal.

Point being, boxes of memories - good, bad, funny, you name it - were piled in my parents' garage. I dreaded opening them, but now I am so glad I did. It was cleansing and refreshing and fun and it truly surfaced some emotions I haven't felt in a while. I've said it once, and I'll say it as long as I live: emotions are good for you! (Although like most things, IN MODERATION!)

Feel things!
Live!
Love!
Learn!

And keep a smile on your face while you do it :)

I *heart* My City

I've mentioned this before, but I'm going to say it again: I love Santa Barbara! My hometown is a little city in the desert with nothing fun to do. It's in a valley south of Los Angeles, so all the smog from LA drifts down and keeps the dirt and heat trapped in this little city. So when I moved to new city with things to do, clean beaches to stroll, and fresh air to breathe, I instantly fell in love :)

Today I met up with a friend who graduated from UCSB two years ago and moved to NYC for graduate school. She is studying to be an occupational therapist and loves her new life in the Big Apple. However, when she comes back to visit, she realizes how much she misses little ol' SB.

This morning we took advantage of the beautiful beach-town weather and went to a coffee shop to catch up. She brought a friends with her from NY; it was this girl's first time in California. So we got a cold drink, sat at a table on the sidewalk, and people-watched while we chatted. We took her around and showed her things that we are so used to here, but that are non-existent in New York. It made me realize that I've been taking our grocery stores, coffee shops, and parking structures for granted.

I was actually able to slow down for a minute today and enjoy some time outdoors in this beautiful city that I now call my home. I was so bright-eyed and receptive when I first moved here, but now that I'm used to this little-big town I don't notice the small things anymore. When I go somewhere to get a coffee, I grab it and go. I hop back in my car and rush off to complete my to-do list for the day. Having company here reminded me how much I enjoy living in SB. And since I probably won't be here forever, I decided I need to continue taking advantage of living in such a beautiful and unique place. I want to cherish these moments in the city that defined my life as a college student. I still have that itch to travel, and I'm sure I always will. But since I am living here for the moment, I want to appreciate all the beauty and fun in this city.

So instead of being cooped up in my apartment this sunny afternoon, I'm going to get out somewhere and take my work with me. I need to enjoy this while it lasts!

Happy Things

image source
Yesterday I was reading a post on Oh, Mishka entitled Cheer Up. She had been in a funk and asked her reader what kind of things cheered them up. I replied and it sparked my idea for this post!

Things that cheer me up when I'm down:

A GOOD CRY When you're feeling sad, don't be afraid to let it out!! Hiding your feelings is one of the worst things you can do to yourself (emotionally). Crying is a natural response to hurt and sadness; it is supposed to be cathartic...so just let it happen.

SNUGGLING Whether it's with my boyfriend, the pups, or the 8,000 pillows on my bed, cuddling up and just relaxing helps to soothe the nerves. Don't talk, don't stress...just be.

SHOPPING As every woman knows, shopping is like grandma's chicken soup: a cure-all. Being out and about takes your mind off your worries, and doing something fun for yourself (and by yourself) can also be cathartic. When I'm doing my "shopping therapy," I usually just try a bunch of things on, carry them around the store for a while, then put everything back on the racks and go home. Or I'll but some things, take them home and leave them in the bag for a day or two, then go return them! Just the act of shopping is therapeutic for me, not the actual possession of new goodies.

YOGA I am a firm believer in the healing powers of habitual yoga practice and I truly enjoy doing it. Besides the physical exercise and accompanying release of endorphins, yoga also exercises the mind. It heals the mind and body simultaneously, and lets you really escape to your innermost self. A yoga class is an excellent place for making self-realizations, or just clearing your mind of all the crap that is going on around you.

MILES My boyfriend's dog Miles is my baby. He loves me, and I love him. Just looking into this dog's eyes can make me feel better, and he is very loyal and receptive of me. He knows when I'm sad and licks me until I give into him. He'll then either cuddle up with me, or force me to play with him. Whatever the activity, I swear that dog has incredible healing powers that a human can not offer.

FOOD As you'll probably soon learn about me, I love to eat! I love to go out to different restaurants, try new foods/drinks, and just snack in general. It's a very satisfying feeling. If you're feeling down, try treating yourself to your favorite meal or chocolate-covered snack!

A GOOD BOOK I have to read a lot of textbooks and scientific research papers for school, so it's not very often that I get to choose a book on my own and read it for leisure. When I'm in a funky mood, I'll set my academic obligations aside (you can't study effectively anyways if your mind is clouded with other troubles) and read a book of my choosing. I love classic literature, but my "reading therapy" usually consists of some kind of "girly" book. Some personal favorites include Eat, Pray, Love (which any woman should read, and probably reread), and books by Candace Bushnell (inspiration for Sex and the City).

DRIVING I find driving very therapeutic. It's a completely different experience when you're not driving to anywhere in particular. Sometimes I just drive around and explore different areas of the city, or I'll pick a destination (like a coffee shop, or even a gas station) and take the long way.

MUSIC Even for those who aren't avid or obsessional music lovers, listening to your favorite songs will cheer you up...or at least take your mind to another place for a little bit. Again, catharsis can be easily initiated by the right combination of sounds and lyrics. I often make a playlist on my computer just for that occasion, depending on what kind of mood I'm in.

A NAP Being upset often makes you tired, so a nap will physically be good for you. Some sleep will also help to clear your mind and make those problems seem at least a little smaller. Naps can be very refreshing (if you actually sleep) and will give you the energy and clarity of mind to tackle those emotional demons.

HAIR-DOS When I'm alone, I like to experiment with different hair styles. Many girls do this with makeup, which is also fun. But I already have a knack for doing makeup, so I focus my negative energies on my unruly hair. It not only gives your mind something else to do, but you might also stumble upon some new look that really works for you!

BEING ALONE When I'm in a funk because of personal issues (especially my depression, or perhaps certain issues with my boyfriend), I prefer to be alone. Many of the previous items on this list are activities that I do alone, and can only be done alone. I don't want to project the gray cloud over my head onto other people, so I just tuck myself away somewhere soothing until I can be around humanity again.

NOT BEING ALONE Sometimes there are those issues in your life that will only go away if you're distracted by another person. In some depressions, being alone is not a good thing. When I'm in these type of moods, I make my situation worse by stewing over things in my head. This often leads to the manifestation of more problems, many of which are completely fabricated in my emotionally clouded head. Going out with the girls for a night on the town, or going to a movie with the man are good distractions from the dangerous workings of your own mind.

These are just a few of the things that cheer me up in general. Of course, there are always situations in which these may not work, or another uplifting opportunity arises. You just have to see what works for you. Check out the comments on the blog I mentioned earlier for more suggestions. Also, I would love your comments about what brings you out of a funk!!

Have a beautiful day everyone! Keep your head up and a smile in your heart (and hopefully on your face)!

Girlfriends!

As I mentioned before, I just graduated from University, and I currently have an awesome roommate. I met this great girl by chance in a dorm setting; we were placed together in an off-campus apartment for freshman students and we've been roommates ever since! This is our fourth year living together so, as you can imagine, we've become quite close. We definitely have our differences every once in a while, but we never really fight about things. We're adult enough to know when an issue needs addressing, so we do. If not, then it was probably petty and goes away in a day or so (I mean, every girl gets a period, ya know?!) Anyways, we've developed some habits over the years...some good, some not quite as good...whatever. But one of our favorite things to do on the weekends when we know we're not obliged to "go out" is buy a decent bottle of white wine (or maybe not so decent if it's near the end or first of the month) and have a chick flick marathon. We usually finish at least a bottle between the both of us, 2-3 glasses each. Sometimes we rent a girly (not boyfriend-friendly) movie while we indulge. Usually though, we watch Sex and the City. I own every season on DVD and we both have a copy of the movie. Although we've already seen every episode, we haven't seen them all in order, so this was out summer goal.

Tonight we polished off another bottle of wine, 2 glasses each, and watched another disc of SATC. Sadly, we are in the middle of season six...the final season. Although the wine and sleep deprivation made us a bit giddy, we weren't happy to see the end of our marathon draw to a close so soon. However, this bittersweet moment - like so many we've had before (dramatic as they may be) - made us realize how lucky we are to have each other. Another one of our strange habits - that only my mother understands - is home-popping some popcorn to go with our fancy-shmancy wine! We pop a pot of corn; I sprinkle only garlic salt on mine while she adds some Chalula sauce to hers. It may sound weird, but this is one of our favorite and most honored traditions as roommates: home-style popcorn and white wine. With our windows open, floor fan on high, and wine and popcorn in hand, two fun-loving girls spent a great Friday night inside. Most of our friends are out partying as I type this blog, but we are completely satisfied with our "old lady" Friday night. So for any of you girls that feel obliged to party it up on a Friday/Saturday night, maybe you should call up a great girlfriend or two, crack open some wine and some girly viewings, and have a bonding sesh! You don't have to roll curlers into your hair or have a pillow fight in your pj's to have a girls night, but I want to remind ladies of all ages to not be afraid to use one of your most valuable resources: YOUR GIRLFRIENDS!!!