Happy Days

It's been a pretty great week for me. I received a test back in my anatomy class and I have an A, which relieved a lot of stress for me. My boyfriend and I have been getting along wonderfully, and I love him more and more every day.

We had an excellent chat the other night...we talked about things we want in our lives, the future...grown-up things. And, B didn't put up a fight at all! It's a great feeling to get to know someone you care about even deeper than before. I feel that even our short little talk brought us much closer together. This morning, B and I took Miles on a bike ride to Starbucks and just sat outside and enjoyed the weather, and each other. We've figured out when we've had enough of each other and go our separate ways before we annoy the hell out of each other. We can be gross and weird around each other, we know how to make each other laugh and smile, we help each other fall asleep at night. We are at a place right now where we are perfectly content and happy.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I think a lot. I think about everything. I believe this is where my tendency to worry about insignificant things stems from. I'm sure I wouldn't have nearly as much anxiety if I could just figure out a way to make my conscious brain just relax for a bit. But for the most part, I can't. Talking or writing about such bothersome things helps to alleviate some of the needless worries, but sometimes I just can't shake a feeling.

As I've mentioned before - and probably will mention a million times more - B and I have a pretty great relationship. It's admittedly imperfect and that's just fine. We are aware of our imperfections. However, sometimes we have different opinions on where those imperfections lie. For example, I don't think he communicates with me enough. He is aware that I see this as a problem, and he knows that he has a difficult time opening up to people. But he doesn't make much of an effort to open up to me, and this is heartbreaking. He sees communication as only a minor problem, because he doesn't lie to me or deliberately keep details from me. I appreciate this, but I need more.

This, among other issues that arise in our relationship, has been on my mind lately. The hardest thing for me is that I want so bad to solve problems, but he either doesn't see the same problems or doesn't have the desire to change. I respect the fact that he doesn't see everything the way I do - that would be extremely boring. B is also great to talk to because he is such a great listener. However, he is not a great talker. Overall, this makes him not so great at communicating. And when I try to address things, he avoids conversations like the plague. To me, this is hurtful and disrespectful.


I have opened by heart to B, and expect him to [at least attempt to] do the same. I tried to address this issue tonight and unexpectedly started an argument. After I calmed him down, I explained to B how I don't always feel respected. Many people don't understand that sassy comments and rude gestures aren't the only things that hurt people's feelings. Not listening to someone express emotions or feelings to you - or not acting on what you are supposedly listening to - is just as disrespectful as giving someone the finger. Obviously different people are offended or hurt by different things, but I think we as human beings often miss this. The feeling of disrespect is often not exuded the same way anger or fear would be. Granted, disrespect isn't exactly an emotion, but it is still more subtly portrayed than many other strong feelings.

I wanted to end our conversation tonight as quickly as possible so B could breathe again, so I didn't want to stress anything too strongly. But it is difficult for me to handle such feelings of disrespect from my partner when I have it coming from other angles. Co-workers, bosses, classmates, friends....all of these people have made me feel disrespected and unappreciated at one time or another. But it is much easier to brush it off. I told B that sometimes he acts like he doesn't appreciate everything I do for him, everything I have sacrificed for him, all the efforts I make to keep him happy. To me it isn't work, and I don't ask for too much in return. But I at least need to feel respected and appreciated. I lay it all out in the open for him. It would be so amazing and make me so happy to see him show up at my door with some hand-picked flowers, or offer to give me a relaxing massage in candlelight...

Through Other Eyes

I'm just pointing out something that everyone knows by saying this, but here goes: things always look different through someone else's eyes. Everyone has their own opinions and ways of looking at things, thinking about things, dealing with things. It's easy for one person to see things through rose-colored glasses and keep a smile on while others see the end of the world and always have a frown. This thought has manifested itself in many different ways to me in the past couple of days.

I generally hate MTV/VH1, reality TV, idiots competing for cash prizes, etc. However, my roommate and I have a guilty VH1 pleasure: Tool Academy. In this show, girls trick their jackass boyfriends into coming onto a reality TV show where they believe they will get to show the world how fabulous and man-whory they are. Instead, the are crammed into a dorm-style room where there is more testosterone and shit-talking per square foot than a college fraternity house. The "tools" and their girlfriends have to participate in therapy sessions and challenges each week, and one couple is eliminated at the end. Now, I often vent about (or praise) my relationship with B in this blog. Looking back, nothing he does is as bad as these screaming, egotistical, cheating jerks on the show. Sure, B and I have our share of rough patches. But our rough patches could be rougher. Like most couples, we have our communication issues. We can each be selfish at times. We have conflicting interests, but we can usually resolve them quite quickly.
But these guys consistently cheat on their girlfriends, get in pointless fights with other guys, are often unemployed and living off their girlfriends, and sometimes we even get a little baby-mama-drama! My problems pale in comparison. B has never cheated and I am positive he never will. I am more likely to pick a fight with someone than he is. The list goes on. Shows (and real-life situations like these) are my rose-tinted glasses. They aren't disguising my problems, but they put them in a better light for me. It makes me appreciate the things we disagree about. As stressed out as I get sometimes, I always have to remember that things could be worse. Much worse.

Playing House

B and I don't live together. That would be waaaayy too much for both of us. But, we do spend a fair amount of time at each others' places. We cook for each other. I do his laundry and dishes sometimes (I do my laundry at his place because he has a washer/dryer...my apartment complex has 2 coin-op washers/dryers for 10 families to share). I do chores around his house and buy things for his kitchen. He does fix-it projects at my place. My TIVO is set to record some of his shows. I have a food/water dish for his dog in my kitchen. Basically, we're playing house.

Now, this version of "playing house" is a much more complex and serious version than the games we played with our childhood neighbors. There are emotions involved; we make decisions everyday that could affect the rest of our lives. Playing house as a 'grown-up' has much more serious consequences - both negative and positive. We enjoy spending time with each other, but we can also start to drive each other crazy. We get to see the best and worst of each other. And - I feel like my mom saying this - it's the first experimental step towards a life together.

Moving in with someone too early is one of those things that is horribly detrimental to a relationship. Chances are it would have ended sooner or later, but I've seen many couples move in too early and spend a majority of their relationship arguing and nit-picking rather than enjoying what the other has to offer. As anyone with a roommate knows, living with someone is the best and worst way to get to know someone. I've lived with my roommate for over 4 years, and we know more about each other than friends that we grew up with. My roomie knows me better (in both good and bad ways) than my best friend of 19 years. It's weird! Even the most blissful of couples can turn into enemies by making the move too soon.

Currently, I believe B and I are exactly where we need to be. We can see each other whenever we like, and if it becomes too much, we go to our separate spaces until we make plans to hang out again. We're comfortable and confident enough with each other to say, "You're making me f**king crazy. I'm going home to get away from you. I'll cook us dinner tomorrow. See you at 8, asshole!" It's not a fight, it's honesty - one of the most crucial components of a healthy relationship of any kind. We can tell each other when we're happy, sad, annoyed, worried, etc. There's no judgment. We're in a relationship to support each other, watch and help each other grow, and make our lives more full and meaningful by getting through this life as a team.

I told him last night he makes my life happier. He just smiled and hopped in the shower. This is just as satisfying of a response as him saying that I make his life happier, too. I've learned, by playing house, how to interpret his quirky remarks and actions. He doesn't say I love you, but he cooks for me and holds me close while I sleep. He doesn't ask me to move in, but I keep toiletries at his place and he asks me to share his bed with him. He doesn't say he wants me to bear his children, but he refers to me as (his dog) Miles' mom and himself dad, and trusts me to take care of his most valuable possession - another life. Our relationship/situation may be quite similar or drastically different from many couples; either way, we don't care. We're perfectly content with what we have and where we are at. For us, playing house without sharing house has brought us closer together. We have a healthy relationship and truly enjoy spending time together.

True, I miss the innocent days of 'playing house' in my backyard wearing mommy's apron carrying a doll around. However, growing up - despite the reality of responsibility - definitely has its privileges.

Barefoot and in the Kitchen

I love to cook. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I can make a decent meal. And by cooking I'm talking about actually preparing a home-cooked meal with a personal touch, not just following a recipe.



Coincidentally, my man loves to cook too. And he's not half bad either! He hates following recipes - he's very "stick it to the man" - and he loves experimenting with things. He doesn't have a passion for eating like I do, but he likes to prepare things and watch me eat. I love it!

So we've gotten into the habit lately of preparing meals for each other. It's one of the best ways to show someone how much you love them, honestly. It's a wonderful creative outlet, it's fun, and it feels great to do something for someone else! I love watching him take that first bite. Or sneak out into the kitchen to peek at my surprise dinner for him because it smells too damn good to stay away.

And when the meal is really, truly fabulous....you might even get an offer to do the dishes! I love doing dishes so I don't mind doing them when he cooks, and I usually wash them when I cook. But the point isn't the dishes. The point is, I made him so happy that he wants to do something nice for me. On top of a great meal, the returning of the fuzzy feeling tops off a great night. Plus, a late-night dessert (we're not talking about warm cookies or a scoop of ice cream) will usually follow! ;)

My Men

I just realized this afternoon that in some of the post involving my boyfriend, I might have portrayed him in a negative light. Granted, I often write when I'm upset...that probably has something to do with it. Okay, it pretty much has everything to do with it.

My boyfriend is great. He's not perfect. But then again, who is? I'm far from it, I know that well. I get annoyed sometimes with him, sure. I'm also sure he gets annoyed with me sometimes. We're both pretty quirky people, but I think we have a pretty great relationship. We make each other happy.

I think one of the things that is difficult for me is that B often has a difficult time expressing himself. He's a great listener, but not a great talker. He doesn't like talking, what can I say?! (Actually, I say a lot in our relationship!) But all of the conversations we've had where I just feel that I'm hassling him have not been in vain.

Since he doesn't do much talking, he does a lot of listening and thinking. He may not catch every word I say, but he's starting to understand the reason I say the things I say. He used to just ignore the fact I was upset because he though I overreacted to everything. (Although I must say, in his defense, before I was regularly medicated, I often did overreact to things. I was over-emotional, but I couldn't help it, couldn't control it. As a sort of defense mechanism, I think B just ignored all of my emotions because they didn't seem like MY emotions...) However I was at his house yesterday and he said some things to make me somewhat upset, so I started to leave the room. The old B would have shook his head and let me walk out. Last night, he stopped me and asked what was wrong. He said I wasn't allowed to leave the room mad. Just him saying that took away any negative feelings I had. It was an amazing feeling; he just lit me up and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

Another thing B does is make me feel better by using Miles, his amazing dog that I'm obsessed with! This past week he's been doing the cutest thing ever (and if he reads this, he'll probably blush and do the cute embarrassed smile). He'll send me an email with a picture of the pup and pretend it's written from Miles, to me. It just makes me smile!!! I just want to rush over to his house and snuggle them all night!

That's another great thing about B. He's an awesome snuggler, and as a result of this, his dog is also the best snuggler in the world. If I'm having a bad day, just snuggling up with my man and our little man makes my troubles melt away. In general, falling asleep with them - bad mood or good - makes me feel so special and happy. I love it, and them. Mmmmmm.....

Can I Say "I LOVE YOU".....?

I was at B's house last night and decided to write a blog post. He asked what I was doing, so I told him. Now, he knows I just started blogging - in fact, he's the one that suggested I start. But I didn't expect him to read it. I mean, when I try to talk to him about these things, it seems like he doesn't want to know. But last night, he told me he's been reading my blog. For some reason, that really freaked me out....a lot.

Obviously, anyone can read my blog and I don't mind sharing things with strangers. And sometimes when I write a new post I'll email a text copy to B, but not the actual web address of the post. I was absolutely floored to learn he's read every post I've written, not just the few I've emailed to him personally. At first I didn't even believe him - I thought he was joking (he does that a lot)! But he insisted he reads it. After seeing my admittedly strange reaction to this news, he said he would stop reading if it really bothered me.

It's not the fact that it bothers me that he's reading, it's the fact that I had no idea he was.

I'll confess, sometimes I write things that I would normally say to B - or if I did say it, I wouldn't present it to him the same way I do on my blog. I think the thing that struck me the most, though, was that he's never said anything. He's never mentioned that he reads my blog. He's never brought up any of the topics I talk about in my blog. Maybe it's just me, but that just seems.....not right. I got incredibly nervous last night because I've talked about the apparently taboo topic of saying those three little words, which he's never said to me. I wanted to bring up the fact that he's read this and never mentioned it, but I didn't.

Now I'm awkward about writing blogs in case I say something stupid that he will read, stew about for a while, then never talk to me about. I also feel that I can never bring up the topic of love ever again, because, although we've never actually talked about it, he already knows what I have to say.

I'm not going to stop writing, and I'm not going to tell him to stop reading. It's easy to know what I'm not going to do in this situation....I'm just confused about what I am going to do...

Hug It Out

I had a 10-12 page botanical research paper that was due this morning in class. It was, to say the least, intense. After a full school day yesterday (10am-9pm, with two breaks), I went to B's house to eat dinner and finish my paper. I walked in the door and he started talking to me about his day and other things that were going on (yes, again, writing about bf problems on the blog somehow solves them in real life...), and when he turned away to start making dinner I started crying and hoped he wouldn't notice. He did, of course, and immediately started being hilarious to try to cheer me up. The tears stopped, and dinner made me feel a little better. However, I was still super stressed about my paper (which was actually 15 pages long because I'm an over-achiever -- thanks mom and dad!), and other school things on my agenda.

I sat at his desk working on my paper, and he laid in bed watching TV. By this point, it was around midnight, and when he would see me stressing out, he would just do something to make me laugh. It was really nice to have a good laugh together. It's amazing how much stress it releases!

There were also a few times between the hours of midnight and 1 where I just looked at him and he would give me the puppy-dog eyes. It's funny, because when the kids I babysit for give me the puppy-dog eyes I rarely give in. But when B does it, I rarely say no. Anyways, he would give me the eyes and say, "Come snuggle with me for a minute, take a break, relax." So I would have to do it. Then he would give me the biggest hugs ever and squeeze some of my stress away. And then say, "Okay, now just go to bed! :)" I would just smile, give him another big squeeze, and get back to my paper.

Obviously, I eventually made it to bed. I hardly slept because I was extremely anxious about my paper, but laying next to him (and the dog!) made me feel so much better. If laughter is the best medicine, then hugs are what you wash it down with. B's hugs saved me from a nervous breakdown last night. And pretty much any other time I'm on the brink. It's amazing what the smallest amount of physical contact from someone you love can do!

So next time you're feeling down, or on the brink of a breakdown, steal a huge hug from someone you care about. It might not fix everything, but it sure is a comfy band-aid!!!

Long Distance

Physical/spatial distance, I have learned, is much much different than emotional distance. I have been in two different long-distance relationships in the past 5 years and have discovered that being near each other doesn't always make you closer to someone. My roommate is currently in a long-distance relationship that is extremely healthy, and both her and the bf are extremely happy. On the other hand, B and I live one city away from each other (~13 miles or so), and the dynamics of our relationship are so different from my roomie and her bf.

My first LD relationship was with my high school bf. We had been together for almost a year and a half when I moved away from home to go to college in Santa Barbara. We tried to make it work for a few months, but as time progressed, our lives took different paths. He was three years older than me and not making much of his life. That is one thing I can not stand for. His job was a joke and he was taking one or two bull shit classes at our local community college and living with his parents (and two older sisters who were equally useless). I, however, was extremely busy with my first year of college: searching for a job and eventually finding one, making new friends, adjusting to my new course load and study habits, etc. We tried to talk on the phone every night but I got pretty busy studying and attempting to have a social life. Eventually, I ran out of time and energy for our relationship and had to end it. I knew I didn't need it, and we weren't on the same page. Done.

My next LD relationship began as a LD relationship. Shortly after my breakup with LD#1, my grandmother took our family to Hawaii for Christmas. Long story short, I met a guy there. He lived in Canada and had an awesome family (our families hit it off on the beach day 1 of the vaca; we were the last two of the group to meet). We exchanged emails and kept in touch, swapped pictures, etc. Eventually we started talking on the phone. After 4 months of getting to know each other pretty well over the phone, he flew down to visit me. We became a couple. We talked on the phone every night, even though we had very different schedules. We found a way. We also found a way to visit each other whenever we could. We took turns flying back and forth to visit each other every 6-8 weeks or so. Eventually, he moved down to Santa Barbara to go to school and try out a new city. It was great to finally be together! However, we eventually started getting on each others' nerves (we did NOT live together, btw) and didn't have the same goals. I am extremely focused and self-motivated and I love school. He was the opposite. And, he didn't have a job. Eventually, we broke up. We both knew it was coming for about a month or so beforehand, but neither one of us wanted to say it. I finally did, and it was hard, but we are okay now and there are no hard feelings. It was a healthy and mature breakup. We have both moved on.

Now, my roomie (SC) is in a relationship with a guy from home (she's from San Francisco but lives in Santa Barbara currently) whom she dated for a summer three years ago. They began corresponding through email in February of this year, he came to visit one weekend in March, and then they got together. He comes to SB very often to visit, and she goes home whenever she can. The longest they have gone without seeing each other is 2 weeks. They text each other all day, are always on the phone, and write posts to each other on facebook. Basically, they're obsessed with each other.

My boyfriend,who lives in the neighboring city, hates talking on the phone. He has an iPhone, but only uses it for all the apps. He rarely has conversations that last longer than 3 minutes, and isn't very good at responding to texts. He goes on facebook every day, but only plays games and occasionally writes on peoples' walls. Never mine, though. It's nearly impossible to get him excited about things or have a conversation about anything semi-serious. SC is jealous because B and I potentially get to see each other every day, if we so choose. However, I am jealous because her bf actually talks to her, and likes it! And, she doesn't have to force him! Also, (although I would never make a big deal about this to B for fear of his reaction) SC's boyfriend loves her; he says it to her, and he says it to everyone he can. He is so happy to be in a relationship with her that he wants the whole world to know. Of this fact, I am envious.

Yes, B and I could spend every moment of every day together if we wanted to - I know SC and her boy would if they could. But that does not make up for the fact that we don't have the same kind of communication. I'm not asking that he talks to me every second we're together, or call me every three hours to keep me informed of everything that he does during the day. But he won't talk to me about anything. I take that back - sometimes, if I interrogate him, he'll talk to me about what's going on with him. But it's like pulling teeth. It's frustrating for him that I want him to talk to me more, to open up and let me in; but its equally frustrating for me that he won't talk, and shows no desire to.

Lately I've just been feeling defeated and complacent. If he doesn't want to talk, fine. I'm over it. But I'm not...I still need and want him to open up to me. I only bring it up to him every once in a while now, but I can't help feeling its all in vain. I think I'm almost out of options, but I'm not quite ready to give up. *sigh* I wish he showed the same enthusiasm towards me as Miles (his amazing dog) does!!

Also, for those of you who may be in long-distance relationships, don't give up! Although this post may have seemed somewhat pessimistic, I truly believe that LD's can be quite successful. I caution you to not turn a blind eye to things that may be happening while you're not around; however, it is also foolish and detrimental to start assuming or imagining things that aren't really happening. To everyone in a relationship of any kind, I wish you all luck and love!

A Few Bad Days

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Hey all!! Sorry I haven't been writing at all the past five days or so...I've been extremely busy with school and everything else and just haven't been in the mood to write. I've been taking my "meds" lately, but the past few days I still haven't been myself...

As usual, I've been keeping myself very busy (some would say I'm too busy). I just started taking some classes at my local community college in order to be able to apply to the Masters in Nursing program I want to get into. Since these classes are science labs, and my life already seems to be over-scheduled, things are about to get a little hectic!

In order to keep myself from going absolutely insane, I am trying to find fun recreational activities to participate in without being completely hammered (Santa Barbara is quite a party town, so sometimes it gets hard to find activities that DON'T involve intoxication...especially during summertime). This summer, my boyfriend, his roommate, my roommate, and myself ("The Fam") have started throwing some balls around at our local bowling alley :) Our friend has been a bowling league before - albeit years ago - but the rest of us are just learning. We decided that we would join a 'Sunday Fun League' so that we're not competing with the pros.

We started doing this just for fun, but now we're really starting to get into it! (With the exception of my man, all of us are very competitive people. We know that we're not the best bowlers in the alley, but we definitely won't let ourselves be the worst!!) Last night (Tues) we went bowling, without my roomie, and got the best lane and arrived right when happy hour began. *By the way, this bowling alley is the only one in about a 70 mile radius and has around 40 excellent beers on tap,many of which are their own labels. My favorite thing about this bowling gig is the $4, 22oz "Shock Top" beer that has hints of orange in it. Soooo gooood...*

Anyway, I was bowling absolutely terrible last night and the boys were doing pretty well, as usual. Normally I don't care that I suck, but last night it was really getting to me. I was trying so hard, concentrating on all the tips I've received from the pros and other people, but my ball still seemed to find the gutter more often than it should have. While I hate getting a terrible score, I was mostly upset with myself.

I am definitely my harshest critic, and when I put my energy into something only to receive no reward, I get frustrated. Efficiency is one of my main objectives in a task, so when I set out to accomplish something and don't get instant gratification, I struggle. I understand that many things take time to develop, but this was different. My moods and emotions are difficult for me to control: I never know when I'm going to have a good day, or a "bad" day, even when I'm taking my pills religiously.

Although not nearly as severe as before I was medicated, these "bad days" (when my depression is prominent) really effect me, even when I try to push those negative thoughts out of my mind. I don't think I'll ever stop being my own worst enemy as far as criticism goes, and I know I'm always gonna have "bad days" on occasion. It's during these times that I really lean on my boyfriend (we'll start calling him B), and last night at the alley, he reminded me that sucking at bowling doesn't make me a bad person. No matter how hard I tried to sit alone in the corner and drink my delicious happy hour beer until it was my turn again, he kept bringing me into his arms and trying to cheer me up.

I finally let his dorky jokes and kisses bring me out of my funk for a little bit, but it slowly crept back shortly after we arrived home. He snuggled me close last night, as my Ambien took me away to a land of strange and semi-satisfying sleep. When I woke up next to him this morning, I remembered that I don't have to be perfect. I am who I am, and that's perfect enough.

Happy Things

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Yesterday I was reading a post on Oh, Mishka entitled Cheer Up. She had been in a funk and asked her reader what kind of things cheered them up. I replied and it sparked my idea for this post!

Things that cheer me up when I'm down:

A GOOD CRY When you're feeling sad, don't be afraid to let it out!! Hiding your feelings is one of the worst things you can do to yourself (emotionally). Crying is a natural response to hurt and sadness; it is supposed to be cathartic...so just let it happen.

SNUGGLING Whether it's with my boyfriend, the pups, or the 8,000 pillows on my bed, cuddling up and just relaxing helps to soothe the nerves. Don't talk, don't stress...just be.

SHOPPING As every woman knows, shopping is like grandma's chicken soup: a cure-all. Being out and about takes your mind off your worries, and doing something fun for yourself (and by yourself) can also be cathartic. When I'm doing my "shopping therapy," I usually just try a bunch of things on, carry them around the store for a while, then put everything back on the racks and go home. Or I'll but some things, take them home and leave them in the bag for a day or two, then go return them! Just the act of shopping is therapeutic for me, not the actual possession of new goodies.

YOGA I am a firm believer in the healing powers of habitual yoga practice and I truly enjoy doing it. Besides the physical exercise and accompanying release of endorphins, yoga also exercises the mind. It heals the mind and body simultaneously, and lets you really escape to your innermost self. A yoga class is an excellent place for making self-realizations, or just clearing your mind of all the crap that is going on around you.

MILES My boyfriend's dog Miles is my baby. He loves me, and I love him. Just looking into this dog's eyes can make me feel better, and he is very loyal and receptive of me. He knows when I'm sad and licks me until I give into him. He'll then either cuddle up with me, or force me to play with him. Whatever the activity, I swear that dog has incredible healing powers that a human can not offer.

FOOD As you'll probably soon learn about me, I love to eat! I love to go out to different restaurants, try new foods/drinks, and just snack in general. It's a very satisfying feeling. If you're feeling down, try treating yourself to your favorite meal or chocolate-covered snack!

A GOOD BOOK I have to read a lot of textbooks and scientific research papers for school, so it's not very often that I get to choose a book on my own and read it for leisure. When I'm in a funky mood, I'll set my academic obligations aside (you can't study effectively anyways if your mind is clouded with other troubles) and read a book of my choosing. I love classic literature, but my "reading therapy" usually consists of some kind of "girly" book. Some personal favorites include Eat, Pray, Love (which any woman should read, and probably reread), and books by Candace Bushnell (inspiration for Sex and the City).

DRIVING I find driving very therapeutic. It's a completely different experience when you're not driving to anywhere in particular. Sometimes I just drive around and explore different areas of the city, or I'll pick a destination (like a coffee shop, or even a gas station) and take the long way.

MUSIC Even for those who aren't avid or obsessional music lovers, listening to your favorite songs will cheer you up...or at least take your mind to another place for a little bit. Again, catharsis can be easily initiated by the right combination of sounds and lyrics. I often make a playlist on my computer just for that occasion, depending on what kind of mood I'm in.

A NAP Being upset often makes you tired, so a nap will physically be good for you. Some sleep will also help to clear your mind and make those problems seem at least a little smaller. Naps can be very refreshing (if you actually sleep) and will give you the energy and clarity of mind to tackle those emotional demons.

HAIR-DOS When I'm alone, I like to experiment with different hair styles. Many girls do this with makeup, which is also fun. But I already have a knack for doing makeup, so I focus my negative energies on my unruly hair. It not only gives your mind something else to do, but you might also stumble upon some new look that really works for you!

BEING ALONE When I'm in a funk because of personal issues (especially my depression, or perhaps certain issues with my boyfriend), I prefer to be alone. Many of the previous items on this list are activities that I do alone, and can only be done alone. I don't want to project the gray cloud over my head onto other people, so I just tuck myself away somewhere soothing until I can be around humanity again.

NOT BEING ALONE Sometimes there are those issues in your life that will only go away if you're distracted by another person. In some depressions, being alone is not a good thing. When I'm in these type of moods, I make my situation worse by stewing over things in my head. This often leads to the manifestation of more problems, many of which are completely fabricated in my emotionally clouded head. Going out with the girls for a night on the town, or going to a movie with the man are good distractions from the dangerous workings of your own mind.

These are just a few of the things that cheer me up in general. Of course, there are always situations in which these may not work, or another uplifting opportunity arises. You just have to see what works for you. Check out the comments on the blog I mentioned earlier for more suggestions. Also, I would love your comments about what brings you out of a funk!!

Have a beautiful day everyone! Keep your head up and a smile in your heart (and hopefully on your face)!

Re: Sleep

So glad I posted that blog yesterday...it was the proof I needed that writing out some of my problems/issues/feelings would help me solve them. My bf and I got back into the swing of things and had our usual mind-blowing sex last night. He wasn't too up for talking about his issues, but he's finally coming back around to his old self.

Although we still have our usual sleeping issues, we woke up feeling happy (albeit tired) this morning. My day is way too busy to take a nap, but at least I can concentrate on studying, rather than worrying about my relationship. I feel refocused on my priorities and am getting organized today so I can get through my to-do list.

Sleep_______

Sleep in.
Sleep over.
Sleep...never.

These are just a few of the things my boyfriend and I do together (along with his dog Miles!)

Both of us are night owls and stay up watching late night TV, even when we have to be up the next morning. We don't live together so we spend the night at each others' place 3-5 nights a week. Sleeping over increases the likelihood of us sleeping in. And in general, we both have some sleeping issues, especially me. I have pills for that, but I don't like taking them very often...

We used to also lose some sleep at our sleepovers because of grown-up activities (i.e. sex), but lately it hasn't been an issue. For some reason, sex has. Now, we aren't one of those couples that requires intercourse every other hour, but we used to have it on a regular basis and it was amazing. The best sex both of us have ever had. My bf is pretty timid so I was often the one to get the ball rolling in bed, so to speak; but the past couple weeks he doesn't have much of a desire to be intimate. At all.

This situation has really made me nervous and I've tried talking to him about it, but he always has nothing to say. He never has answers for me. I try not to be pushy or crazy or anything like that (the usual factors that make guys shy away), but nothing seems to work and he won't get to the root of the problem. I tried all last night to figure this thing out, but to no avail. He says its not me, that he doesn't want to break up, that he still wants me, that there's nobody else (which is the thing I believe the most), but there is still no answer.

I left his house today after a fun morning of taking the dog to the beach, and trying one last time to talk to him. Again, nothing. I even gave him the opportunity when none of his housemates were home, and he didn't take the bait. His dog was more upset for me to leave than my bf was. WTF?!?! I love Miles to death but a dog shouldn't have more feelings than a person!! Anyways, I tried to come home an study, but couldn't get my mind off of our suffering sex life. I was to tempted to call or text him just to get my mind off it, but I didn't. I figured I should give it a rest.

As much as I just want this thing to go away, I don't think it will. If anything goes away from this relationship it'll be our sex life...or worse, me. Through watery eyes last night I said to my man: "I can't be the girlfriend that your afraid to talk to. I can't be the girlfriend you don't have sex with. I can't be the girlfriend you don't want to spend time with. And I can't be the girlfriend who can't be loved." To this, he said nothing. Just a nod.

I can't live with just an acknowledgment of what I said. I need answers. I need actions. Most of all, I need him to show emotions. I'm almost convinced that he doesn't have any. He can get angry, but he can't love....I don't get it. I don't want to lose my mind, but I also don't want to lose my man.

5 Things I Love About My Boyfriend

There are plenty of things that I enjoy about my honey, but today, these are my top five:

His eyes. His big, beautiful, blue eyes are so easy to get lost in. He has long eyelashes (which he hates) that bring out his eyes and make me stare into them all the time. Probably my favorite physical feature about him :)

He doesn't know how to flirt. I find this absolutely adorable about him. I don't think it's weird that a 27-year old man still doesn't quite know how to talk to girls. It's adorable, and I never have to worry about him trying to pick up another woman!

He's extremely intelligent. He's the "sexy nerd" type. He's a chemist and often analyzes everything in a very scientific way. And of course there's other nerdy boy things (besides chemicals) that he likes. But he also makes it sexy rather than dorky. He seems to know everything about everything, and if he doesn't, he'll just look up the answer on his iPhone!

He makes me giggle. A lot of people and things can make me laugh, but there's only certain things that bring out my giggle. My boyfriend is one of them. He loves listening to and making fun of my giggle, which makes me giggle even more. I can't put my finger on what brings out the giggles, but he just has that special something.

His dog. I love his dog because he's the best dog on the planet (in our opinion)! But my boyfriend's dog says a lot about him. He trained Miles (the dog), so pretty much everything Miles knows he learned from his daddy! Miles is such a loving, playful, and most importantly loyal dog. These traits - I insist - are a reflection of my man.

I do?

Last weekend my best friend said two of the most binding words in the English language, "I do." I remember the phone conversation in which she told me her boyfriend proposed to her and how ecstatic we both were at that moment. We've known each other since we were 3 years old, and from the moment we figured out what a wedding was, we began planning ours. Although her wedding wasn't the extravagant beach wedding full of family and friends that she talked about as a bright-eyed 5th grader, it was still beautiful, and so is she. Although she has two fabulous older sisters, she chose me to be the Maid of Honor...and I was honored. The problem with the situation, however, was that she moved to Idaho almost 2 years ago to be with her man, and I'm still in Southern California. I felt so bad to not be able to help her plan the wedding because I was so far away. Her entire family is far away. She did a great job planning things with the help of some of her new Idaho friends, but I still felt I let her down in a way.

I arrived in Idaho after spending the day in airports and airplanes and stayed up late chatting with my long-lost sisters. After a night of catching up and giggling like teens on a sugar-high at a sleepover, we got no sleep and felt the consequences for the rest of the weekend. The days seemed long and everyone was pretty cranky from the continuous lack of sleep, but I hadn't seen her entire family in so long it didn't matter. The only person I really didn't get to catch up with was the bride herself. I was a bit put off and pretty hurt by her actions that weekend, but what could I do? She's the bride, and I decided to let her be. Her entire family, including myself, had to travel hundreds of miles and countless hours to be at her wedding - an event that we wouldn't have missed for the world. She seemed to forget all this, though, only spending time with her husband and his family and the people from her church that she sees all the time. Granted, the groom's family doesn't live in Idaho, but they're just over the border into the next state and get to see the happy new couple quite often. Like her family, I was offended that I spent so much time and money and energy getting to this wedding , and she didn't seem to appreciate one bit of it. After barely getting a goodbye and being almost sickened by her complete loss of independence, I boarded my flight back to LA and got lost in a book. On the drive home from LAX, I let some tears out - tears of joy that my best friend was happily in love, and tears of sadness that she didn't think she needed her family in her life now that she has a husband to take care of her.

That got me to thinking about myself (of course - it's human nature!)...my best friend, my sister that I grew up with, is MARRIED. wtf??? When did we grow up? I just graduated from college, many of my friends are getting married, having kids, even buying houses already!!! Since when?!? I was in shock at how grown up we apparently were, but how not grown-up I felt. Am I really an adult? Is tying the knot really right around the corner already? I better start checking for gray hairs soon...I would hate for one to sneak up on me like this wedding did. Then I started thinking about my boyfriend. He's 5 years older than me, but he already has a few gray hairs. Uh-oh...here comes the quarter-life crisis.

My boyfriend and I had an interesting start to our relationship, but we finally settled into each other and made it official six months ago. He knows that I care about him more than anything, and during an argument in which he wasn't listening to my point I told him that I love him. He knows this already, but it's so different to say it out loud. He, on the other hand, has never said it to me. He "loves" hanging out with me, or "loves" when I massage his hands and feet, but he hasn't declared that he "loves" ME. This doesn't necessarily upset me, but it makes me wonder what our future holds. My best friend just turned 22, her husband is 29. I'm 22, by boyfriend is 27. Shouldn't he be getting close to that age where he wants to take his life seriously and start thinking about his future? I want him to commit to me enough to say those three little words. I mean, isn't that all a girl really wants? To love and be loved (and maybe a cute pair of shoes here and there)? I need to hear those words from him at some point. I know this, and I'm pretty sure he does too. However, how far behind those words is the thought of marriage? THIS thought freaked the hell out of me. I'm not a grown-up yet, I thought. I have a degree, and hopefully soon something that resembles a career...but MARRIAGE? NO WAY!! So upon returning to my wonderful boyfriend after the wedding, I decided that if more time is what he needs, then I can wait a little longer to hear those words.