I do?

Last weekend my best friend said two of the most binding words in the English language, "I do." I remember the phone conversation in which she told me her boyfriend proposed to her and how ecstatic we both were at that moment. We've known each other since we were 3 years old, and from the moment we figured out what a wedding was, we began planning ours. Although her wedding wasn't the extravagant beach wedding full of family and friends that she talked about as a bright-eyed 5th grader, it was still beautiful, and so is she. Although she has two fabulous older sisters, she chose me to be the Maid of Honor...and I was honored. The problem with the situation, however, was that she moved to Idaho almost 2 years ago to be with her man, and I'm still in Southern California. I felt so bad to not be able to help her plan the wedding because I was so far away. Her entire family is far away. She did a great job planning things with the help of some of her new Idaho friends, but I still felt I let her down in a way.

I arrived in Idaho after spending the day in airports and airplanes and stayed up late chatting with my long-lost sisters. After a night of catching up and giggling like teens on a sugar-high at a sleepover, we got no sleep and felt the consequences for the rest of the weekend. The days seemed long and everyone was pretty cranky from the continuous lack of sleep, but I hadn't seen her entire family in so long it didn't matter. The only person I really didn't get to catch up with was the bride herself. I was a bit put off and pretty hurt by her actions that weekend, but what could I do? She's the bride, and I decided to let her be. Her entire family, including myself, had to travel hundreds of miles and countless hours to be at her wedding - an event that we wouldn't have missed for the world. She seemed to forget all this, though, only spending time with her husband and his family and the people from her church that she sees all the time. Granted, the groom's family doesn't live in Idaho, but they're just over the border into the next state and get to see the happy new couple quite often. Like her family, I was offended that I spent so much time and money and energy getting to this wedding , and she didn't seem to appreciate one bit of it. After barely getting a goodbye and being almost sickened by her complete loss of independence, I boarded my flight back to LA and got lost in a book. On the drive home from LAX, I let some tears out - tears of joy that my best friend was happily in love, and tears of sadness that she didn't think she needed her family in her life now that she has a husband to take care of her.

That got me to thinking about myself (of course - it's human nature!)...my best friend, my sister that I grew up with, is MARRIED. wtf??? When did we grow up? I just graduated from college, many of my friends are getting married, having kids, even buying houses already!!! Since when?!? I was in shock at how grown up we apparently were, but how not grown-up I felt. Am I really an adult? Is tying the knot really right around the corner already? I better start checking for gray hairs soon...I would hate for one to sneak up on me like this wedding did. Then I started thinking about my boyfriend. He's 5 years older than me, but he already has a few gray hairs. Uh-oh...here comes the quarter-life crisis.

My boyfriend and I had an interesting start to our relationship, but we finally settled into each other and made it official six months ago. He knows that I care about him more than anything, and during an argument in which he wasn't listening to my point I told him that I love him. He knows this already, but it's so different to say it out loud. He, on the other hand, has never said it to me. He "loves" hanging out with me, or "loves" when I massage his hands and feet, but he hasn't declared that he "loves" ME. This doesn't necessarily upset me, but it makes me wonder what our future holds. My best friend just turned 22, her husband is 29. I'm 22, by boyfriend is 27. Shouldn't he be getting close to that age where he wants to take his life seriously and start thinking about his future? I want him to commit to me enough to say those three little words. I mean, isn't that all a girl really wants? To love and be loved (and maybe a cute pair of shoes here and there)? I need to hear those words from him at some point. I know this, and I'm pretty sure he does too. However, how far behind those words is the thought of marriage? THIS thought freaked the hell out of me. I'm not a grown-up yet, I thought. I have a degree, and hopefully soon something that resembles a career...but MARRIAGE? NO WAY!! So upon returning to my wonderful boyfriend after the wedding, I decided that if more time is what he needs, then I can wait a little longer to hear those words.