Can I Say "I LOVE YOU".....?

I was at B's house last night and decided to write a blog post. He asked what I was doing, so I told him. Now, he knows I just started blogging - in fact, he's the one that suggested I start. But I didn't expect him to read it. I mean, when I try to talk to him about these things, it seems like he doesn't want to know. But last night, he told me he's been reading my blog. For some reason, that really freaked me out....a lot.

Obviously, anyone can read my blog and I don't mind sharing things with strangers. And sometimes when I write a new post I'll email a text copy to B, but not the actual web address of the post. I was absolutely floored to learn he's read every post I've written, not just the few I've emailed to him personally. At first I didn't even believe him - I thought he was joking (he does that a lot)! But he insisted he reads it. After seeing my admittedly strange reaction to this news, he said he would stop reading if it really bothered me.

It's not the fact that it bothers me that he's reading, it's the fact that I had no idea he was.

I'll confess, sometimes I write things that I would normally say to B - or if I did say it, I wouldn't present it to him the same way I do on my blog. I think the thing that struck me the most, though, was that he's never said anything. He's never mentioned that he reads my blog. He's never brought up any of the topics I talk about in my blog. Maybe it's just me, but that just seems.....not right. I got incredibly nervous last night because I've talked about the apparently taboo topic of saying those three little words, which he's never said to me. I wanted to bring up the fact that he's read this and never mentioned it, but I didn't.

Now I'm awkward about writing blogs in case I say something stupid that he will read, stew about for a while, then never talk to me about. I also feel that I can never bring up the topic of love ever again, because, although we've never actually talked about it, he already knows what I have to say.

I'm not going to stop writing, and I'm not going to tell him to stop reading. It's easy to know what I'm not going to do in this situation....I'm just confused about what I am going to do...